Happy.

So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah


-Happy (Leona Lewis)

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It is just weird. I'm happy and at the same time, I'm not. It is as if I am searching for something much better. How could I obtain genuine happiness when I can't really tell who I am?
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Freedom. Once I asked a soul card reader, would I pursue what I am planning next year, and that to study another course. And the card's answer to me was FREEDOM. I have the freedom whether to risk it or not, 'cause it would be another 3 or maybe 4 years of college life. I have to weigh in the pros and cons of having to study again (and being almost dependent again)
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Release. I can't think of any questions to ask, but she just suggested 'what would make me happy?' And as I point and choose the card, it turned out to be RELEASE. Release anything that is bothering me, release any negative emotions that I have inside, release what is needed to be released. With that, I was left dumbfounded on what the card is telling me, should I tell my secrets? Or maybe, explode, in the sense that I need to release every angst, tension, anger, everything that I want to shout out loud.

I can't tell anyone, well except for this blog, as I have trust issues, I just can't tell everyone of my secrets, I want to assure that who ever I was relaying my secrets to, will be able to keep it as long as s/he could. That's how mistrustful I am.
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I just want to be happy, I really don't know, it is as if I am in constant search of what happiness means.

Counteract.

"When I go and see my high school friends, it seems like they are all living in a dream that would never end..Always living the life of a college student all wild and free like a stallion in the open range..

You party, you get high, you get drunk, and you hang out with friends and talk about all the stupid things that alcohol can give you.."

The Loser Diary Part One-anonymous.

We do have our own responsibilities to take and manage, and it is up to us on how we will be able to handle it. Yang mga stupid things na yan, diyan mo nakikilala kung sino talaga ang sinasamahan mo, kung sino talaga ang taong kausap mo, at kung sino ka talaga. We are all living in a dream, following it, pursuing it, it is a never-ending adventure all of us take. We have to risk something in our life to be able to experience it and learn from it.

Isa lang masasabi ko, he's living an uber boring life. Party is not just alcohol, sex and drugs, party means having FUN.

 "In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions." -- Henry Ward Beecher 1837-1887